‘I Ached Every Day for a Dad’: Woman Raised by Lesbians Speaks out Against Same-Sex ‘Marriage’

BarwickA woman who was raised by a lesbian mother and her partner after her parents divorced is speaking out against same-sex “marriage” and the affect that it can have on children such as herself.

Heather Barwick, now 31, wrote an open letter this past week entitled “Dear Gay Community: Your Kids Are Hurting,” in which she shared her own personal story of growing up without a father.

Barwick said that her mother and father divorced when she was just a toddler as her mother sought to enter into a same-sex relationship. But she stated that she often desired to have a father, who was now not there.

“I grew up surrounded by women who said they didn’t need or want a man. Yet, as a little girl, I so desperately wanted a daddy,” Barwick explained in The Federalist.

As she grew older, Barwick sought sexual relationships with boyfriends in order to fill the void that she felt.

“My father’s absence created a huge hole in me, and I ached every day for a dad,” she said. “I loved my mom’s partner, but another mom could never have replaced the father I lost.”

And while Barwick said that she was a proponent for same-sex “marriage” into her adulthood, she has since changed her mind upon reflecting on her own upbringing.

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“Growing up, and even into my 20s, I supported and advocated for gay marriage,” she explained. “It’s only with some time and distance from my childhood that I’m able to reflect on my experiences and recognize the long-term consequences that same-sex parenting had on me.”

“Same-sex marriage and parenting withholds either a mother or father from a child while telling him or her that it doesn’t matter. That it’s all the same. But it’s not,” Barwick continued. “A lot of us, a lot of your kids, are hurting.”

The now married mother of four explained that many children who were raised by homosexuals feel the same way, but are afraid to voice their feelings out of the fear that they will be misunderstood.

“If we say we are hurting because we were raised by same-sex parents, we are either ignored or labeled a hater,” she said. [But] this isn’t about hate at all.”

Barwick, whose mother remains a part of her life, also told World that she has since forgiven her father as well for his absence after her mother divorced him.

“It really wasn’t until I came to Christ that I felt that burden lifted off of me,” she said. “And I’m not bitter. I’m not angry. I forgive my dad.”

Earlier this year, half a dozen Americans who were raised by same-sex parents submitted briefs to the U.S. Supreme Court in opposition of same-sex “marriage.” One of those is Katy Faust, who wrote an open letter to Justice Anthony Kennedy in The Public Discourse.

“My parents’ divorce has been the most traumatic event in my thirty-eight years of life,” she wrote. “While I did love my mother’s partner and friends, I would have traded every one of them to have my mom and my dad loving me under the same roof.”

“We (those submitting briefs to the court) are just the tip of the iceberg of children currently being raised in gay households,” Faust continued. “When they come of age, many will wonder why the separation from one parent who desperately mattered to them was celebrated as a ‘triumph of civil rights,’ and they will turn to this generation for an answer.”


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  • Gary

    What a hateful, misguided woman. Doesn’t she realize that the desires of homosexuals far outweigh the needs of children? Who does she think she is to argue against anything that homosexuals want? And her bringing Jesus Christ into it just demonstrates how hateful she is. She should be ashamed.

    • Hugh1

      The father should have had two options, stay married or jail.

    • bowie1

      Perhaps YOU need an attitude adjustment with your insensitive remarks.

      • Frank

        Reeducation camp

        • bowie1

          I’m not stopping you from going to one of those.

          • Frank

            Do we all get ribbons?

    • Marvels of life

      Sarcasm?

      • Gary

        Yes.

    • James Whistler

      Dude, it was the heterosexual dad who took off.

  • Hugh1

    We need to follow biblical teachings and ban divorce.

    • Gary

      I agree. But given the enormous popularity of divorce, it is unlikely such a law will be passed by people.

    • Better AndBetter

      We are not a theocracy, sweetie.

      • SpeakTruth

        Hugh1 was using sarcasm to make the point that the woman is blaming SSM on her absent “daddy”.

    • Ambulance Chaser

      Why?

      • Hugh1

        Best question. If the objective is family unity at all costs, even if the mother and father only briefly engaged in a casual relationship, is there another option? She didn’t want another father, she wanted her father. As others have pointed out, the lesbian has nothing to do with anything except delaying the child’s fantasy of mom and dad getting back together – and that’s not happening. Hense, the logical solution, ban divorce.

        • Ambulance Chaser

          Luckily, no one in their right mind wants “family unity at all costs.”

    • http://www.survivingemotionalabuse.com/ Becca Weaver

      So are you saying that those of us who are in domestic abuse, should stay married to our abuser? That’s not what my Bible says. Be careful what you promote.

      • Gary

        Where does the Bible say you can get a divorce for “domestic abuse”? And are you talking about physical abuse?

        • http://www.survivingemotionalabuse.com/ Becca Weaver

          Physical abuse is part of domestic abuse, but that is not the sole definition. Instead of me writing extensively about what Scripture says, I would like to direct you to “Not Under Bondage.” This author does an excellent job of going back to the original Greek and Hebrew, understanding the culture then, etc.

          • Gary

            If your husband is abusing you, then you can separate from him, but I don’t think that is Biblical grounds for divorce.

          • http://www.survivingemotionalabuse.com/ Becca Weaver

            Again, I would like to encourage you to read up and get a better understanding of Scripture.

          • Gary

            I have read the New Testament many times. I think I have a pretty good understanding of what it says.

          • http://www.survivingemotionalabuse.com/ Becca Weaver

            Reading the NT and studying the Greek, Hebrew, culture are two very different things. If your great, great, great grandfather wrote you letter and you read it today, you would not understand it to the fullest. You would need to understand his culture, their language/lingo, etc. To take Scripture at face value is dangerous, that’s why we need to study it, not just read it.

          • Gary

            Then we cannot understand ANYTHING written in the Bible, by your criteria. Which I don’t believe. You are looking for a loophole. And you will keep working until you can justify one to yourself.

          • http://www.survivingemotionalabuse.com/ Becca Weaver

            I don’t understand why studying Scripture is intimidating to you, but I hope that your love for Christ will get you diggin in His Word. Best regards.

          • Gary

            I have spent many hours digging into Scripture. That is one of the reasons I know that God made it very hard to justify divorce.

          • Frank

            Abusive situation calls for separation, not divorce. Healing through Jesus to restore the marriage. Intervention from the church not the the cops. You are defeated if you take another believer to court.

          • Peter Leh

            “Intervention from the church not the the cops. You are defeated if you take another believer to court.”

            this is what makes people like frank dangerous people and their church breeding grounds for deviants, perpetrators and predators.

            to not involve the authorities when a crime is committed in no way protects the innocent nor is it scriptural. That interpretation is gold for those who wish to control and abuse those who cannot defend themselves: “You are defeated if you take another believer to court.”

            stay away from people like frank.

          • http://www.survivingemotionalabuse.com/ Becca Weaver

            This is from “Not under bondage” discussing 1 Cor 7:15:

            Vs 15 applies to more than desertion by an unbeliever. The key question is not “Who walked out? but What or who caused the separation?” Would it be sensible to say that David was the sinful rebellious one when he left Saul’s court? No, he left because of abuse. David left, but Saul was the cause of his leaving.

            In vs 15, the word chorizo occurs twice: “if the unbeliever separates (chorizo), let him separate (chorizo)”. The unbeliever is doing the departing, not the believer; the believer is commanded to let it be done This tells the believing spouse (and the church) to allow the marriage to be over, because the unbeliever has already destroyed the covenant. The New Jerusalem Bibles says, “If the unbeliever causes separation, let the separation take place.” As Jay Adams notes, “it is the one instance in which divorce is required”.

            It could even be argued that verse 15 should read, “If the unbeliever causes separation, let there be divorce.” This translates the first chorizo as “separate” and the second chorizo as “divorce”. It would convey that Paul saw the separating conduct of the unbeliever as resulting in legal divorce. This rendering does not twist the meaning of chorizo, because chorizo means both “separate” and “divorce”.

            Before no-fault divorce came into vogue, there was a ground for divorce under English laws called “constructive desertion”. Constructive desertion was deemed to have occurred if one spouse so ill-treated the other that the victim was justified in leaving the abusing spouse, having been driven to do so. The act of desertion was understood as having been caused by the abuser. The concept of constructive desertion was recognized by theologians in the 16th and 17th century. Since chorizo means “separate” as well as “depart”, 1 Cor 7:15 can cover constructive desertion.

            In the Greco-Roman law of Corinth, divorce occurred simply when one or both parties ceased to regard the other as spouse. Legal procedures were not necessary unless there were difficulties with dowry ot the legitimacy of a child. Paul wrote in this legal context. However, divorce in our culture means more than separation, it demands a legal procedure. Our context requires that if the unbeliever does not initiate this procedure, the believer can initiate the legal process in order to regularize the de facto divorce.

            It may seem strange that divorce might be required, especially when Jesus spoke strongly against divorce. However, when Paul began this section at verse 12 he indicated that his words were adding to and therefore different from Jesus’ words. So when Paul said “let there be separation” in verse 15, he presumably intended a deliberate contrast with Jesus’ command, “What God has joined together let not man separate.” Paul was saying: “If an unbeliever’s conduct has separated what God joined together, let it be so.”

            This tells the believing spouse not live in hope interminably. It protects a victim of abuse from prolonged subjection to the extortion of an abusive spouse. It says, “Don’t make yourself into a doormat.” It also prevents an abandoned spouse from living in perpetual limbo while waiting for the deserting spouse to come back.

          • Peter Leh

            careful becca, frank may lay down the “woman shall not have authority over men card.” 🙂

          • http://www.survivingemotionalabuse.com/ Becca Weaver

            His problem will be not finding it in Scripture, that is if he is willing to go back to the original writings. It’s a control issue, which is sin. People love to use Scripture to justify their sin.

          • Peter Leh

            “People love to use Scripture to justify their sin.”

            how refreshing!

          • Peter Leh

            “Dreams
            It’s a dirty business, dreaming

            Where there is silence and not screaming

            Where there’s no daylight, there’s no healing

            No, no

            You’re gonna sleep like a baby tonight

            In your dreams everything is alright

            Tomorrow dawn’s like a suicide

            But you’re gonna sleep like a baby tonight

            Hope is where the door is

            When the church is where the war is

            Where no one can feel no one else’s pain”

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSRYjGo9yU8

          • Heather Bailey

            So an abused wife shouldn’t report the crime to the police? That’s called enabling. A woman has the right to seek out the proection of the police and the duty to do so if she has children that would be harmed mentally and emotionally by being in that environment. The abusive husband is the one that needs to be healed so it’s up to him to fix his problem and the wife has no obligation to stay around and risk more abuse while he tries to IF he tries to. Your statement is dangerous and furthers the cycle of violence by shaming women who leave and lessening the culpability of the men who abuse them. If you truly believe God wants a woman to stay in an abusive marriage which in turn teaches her children if she has any that abuse is normal then I feel sorry for you.

          • Lara

            Gary, you are right on, bro! People “study” & “interpret” the obvious meaning out of Scriptures all the time today. They even interpret the hell out of hell. Literally. No more hell if you study the original Greek. Yeah, right. Jesus gave one reason for divorce, and one reason only, & that’s crystal clear (or it should be).

          • Peter Leh

            those poor women…..

            BTW gary is a proponent of women not exercising authority over men. So of course, Lara, you have to agree with him or you are not a “true believer” nor is he asking a woman’s advice or opinion. It all comes form the man. 🙂

          • Lara

            What he said in response to the comments in this particular string is completely Scriptural. It’s not about Gary or his background; it’s about God’s Word, & He’s not said anything contrary to it the above comments. Blessings.

          • Peter Leh

            would it matter of gary was wrong? no he would still put you in your place( being a woman and all) and use scripture to justify his sexism . 🙂

          • Peter Leh

            gary is right on this one. only adultery is listed as a way out of an abusive relationship.

            but back the then what was abuse? nobody’s businesses.. that was what abuse was. Probably why Paul did not list abuse as a reason for divorce. but thank god we don;t live back then either. the best days lie ahead.

            The good ole days are over for those who use to be in control. 🙂

          • http://www.survivingemotionalabuse.com/ Becca Weaver

            Again, to gain a better understanding of Greek and Hebrew regarding this topic, I direct you to “Not under bondage.” However, if you prefer video, this is by David Instone-Brewer is senior research fellow in rabbinics and the New Testament at Tyndale House, Cambridge

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFp4JQAnybA&list=PL7740BFE40202311E&index=1

            His website:
            http://www.instonebrewer.com/DivorceRemarriage/121/Contents.htm

            It is a series of short videos, so you have to watch them in order for it to make sense. He goes back to the original writings.

            It’s hard for me to understand why people like you want to protect the abuser.

            To say that one can separate but not divorce, clearly you need to study Scripture. Our times differentiates between these two legal terms, Scripture doesn’t. You will discover that as you get into God’s Word.

            There are men and women out there that need freedom from abuse, but you hold the institution of marriage higher than the safety and sanity of the victim and their children. You are contradicting Scripture. I pray you never have to experience abuse in order to truly understand the damage you are doing to others. I don’t wish that on my worst enemy.

            Kindest regards.

          • Peter Leh

            Thanks for the info!

            “It’s hard for me to understand why people like you want to protect the abuser.”

            sorry i was not clear.

            Gary and Frank are the one’s protecting the abuser. They have the scripture to “prove it”.

            to me their stance is to control others. and you know those in power do not give it up willingly. 🙂

            blessing to you as an equal in front of god and in the courts on earth. 🙂

        • Heather Bailey

          Like I told Hugh1… this is a democracy not a theocracy so in this regard whether or not the Bible says it’s right is regardless. But is it your belief that God wants people to suffer abuse rather than divorce? Surely not.

      • SpeakTruth

        He was being sarcastic.

      • wandakate

        NO, GOD does not want us in that type of environment. He even says if a unbelieving spouse wants to leave the believing spouse then let me or her go. He doesn’t want us in a divided household or with abusers. I think GOD wants us happy and in obedience to Him.

    • Heather Bailey

      See we live in the United States, a democracy, not Iran, a theocracy, so our civil laws aren’t dictated by religion.

  • ChuckGG

    I “ached for a Dad,” too, but mine died of a heart-attack when I was 5. I was raised by a single-mom and did just fine.

    The presumption that you have only the mother/father situation is false. There are many who have lost parents from death or divorce and the kids did fine. I think any family where the parent(s) love the kids and provide for them is fine. It is great to be idealistic but being realistic is better.

    • Marvels of life

      In my particular case my mother and father divorced and it was extremely difficult on myself, brother and sister. I do miss my father since his passing as well but the divorce separated all of us from each other. I’m just saying all that to say sometimes the difficulty of not having a parent or parents is not false but very real. At least in my personal situation.

      • ChuckGG

        No disagreement. Sorry you had to endure what you had to. I did not want to imply that not having a dad was in any way easy. It was not. But, it was what it was. I was trying to make the point that the anti-SSM people seem to live in this idealistic fantasy-land that every family is a perfect 1950’s sitcom. It isn’t. So, one might ask, just where was Heather’s father? He seems to have abandoned Heather, although the story makes no reference to it. Unless there was some kind of problem, most States would grant joint custody with visitation rights. The article implies there was not any problem with the father and it was the mother who sought divorce in order to enter into a lesbian relationship. So, again, where was Heather’s father?

        I find this strategy by the anti-SSM crowd of hauling out kids who interestingly have ‘found Jesus’ and now hate their childhood, to be appalling. Anyone could find countless kids who suffered in straight-parent families. This attempt to paint a bad picture is far from typical in the situations I have seen over my 60 years on this earth.

        The anti-SSM people are reaching a point of desperation. SCOTUS is very likely going to rule SSM is legal nationwide. Of course, churches (not all) may continue to not recognize SSM and that certainly is their prerogative. Truly, no one cares what those churches believe, unless you happen to belong to one of them.

        I wonder if the anti-SSM people who are overwhelmingly religious and cite some aspect of religion to condemn SSM, see this as a threat to their sense of power? The public is seeing that religion has nothing to do with civil marriage and is far from required to get married – civil marriages can be officiated by a number of civil entities depending upon the laws of the particular State.

        I look around the pews and I don’t see a lot of young families with 10 kids any longer. And, young people seem to be less interested in the traditional role of a church. I don’t think they are “buying the product” as much these days. If the churches continue with this anti-SSM banter, they will continue to lose young people. In the 30 and under crowd, approval of SSM is at 80%. It does not take a statistician to see where this going.

    • Joelyn Carter

      “did fine” but great? maybe you were stronger. there is a difference between people with one missing parent. no one can base their reasoning off of just their own personally experience only, but all as one.

      • ChuckGG

        True, but the goal of the anti-SSM crowd with pushing Heather’s story is to discredit SS families. While Heather feels she lost out on having a father, I know many kids of gay couples who did “just fine,” as I said.

        Furthermore, the issue of kids and SS families has nothing to do with the legalization of SSM. Regardless of how the law turns out, SS families and their kids will continue to exist and continue to be formed. The presumption that SSM families will cease to exist or not form because the law doesn’t allow civil SSM is just ridiculous. I’ve know kids, now adults in their 40’s, raised by SS parents who thrived.

        SSM is about two people of the same gender being legally married. Kids may or may not be part of the equation.

        Trying to paint a picture of how children will be harmed is first, incorrect, second, inapplicable (in many cases), and third, a blatant attempt to discredit the parenting abilities of two people of the same gender, all the while ignoring single parents, divorced, and widowed parents, and any of a number of family situations that occur daily.

  • Better AndBetter

    Far more stories of adults tormented by religion as children… FAR more. Good grief.

  • The Skeptical Chymist

    Ms. Barwick’s real complaints are with her father. There is no reason he needed to make himself absent from her life, regardless of what her mother was doing. He deserted her when she needed him. She is far from alone in having this complaint. Far too many fathers abandon their children following a divorce, and far too many mothers do everything they can to make sure that the father has no access to the children. In some cases (child abuse) denying access to the children is appropriate, but in many cases it is just vindictive.

    • WorldGoneCrazy

      Very true. Divorce is reprehensible. And every single child being raised in a gay “marriage” is also being unfairly denied access to a mother or a father by definition. Also reprehensible.

      • Peter Leh

        as well as single parents. Reprehensible indeed.

        • WorldGoneCrazy

          Exactly. And since you claim to be a Christian, Peter, you are doing everything possible to discourage single parenthood, divorce, and gay “marriage,” right? Because as a Christian, you don’t want to put children into the kind of situation that would cause them to unnecessarily suffer, right? And, as Christians, we don’t want to place the selfish desires of adults above the critical needs of innocent children, including those in the womb, I might add, right? And, as Christians, we certainly would not want to claim that it is a “civil right” to automatically and categorically deny a child the right of access to a mother or a father, right? God bless you, Peter – love the “Nun” symbol in your image! (BTW, VOM has shirts with those on them, and a portion goes to help Iraqi Christians.)

          • Peter Leh

            right. Ideally yes.

            In reality? maybe.

            On the civil side, i am the first to admit we don;t have a thing to say about two consenting adults in america living the life that they wish. even less of an argument if the attraction is immutable as the studies and even testimonies suggest. When given a chance to help our neighbor in “righting” some of these “wrongs” within the homosexual community by supporting “civil unions” we would not budge and help theses “degenerates”. so the civil union opportunity has sail. SSM is here and here to stay. any argument against SSM is merely philosophic.

            On the religious side, i would also be the first to insist on the tradition definition of marriage as being the only way that benefits the culture, IF and only IF, we could point to all the great marriages that have stood the test of time as a model to all those whose wish to deviate from that model. Given the church is in step with the world as far as marriages go, i can’t reference our superiority except only in the ideal. History is philosophy lived out. We christians talk a good game on marriage but life has a messiness to it that we have to admit to the ideal and deal with reality. thank god the church does not make the law but the law is for all equally including those with which we don;t not agree.

            thanks for the encouragement btw.

          • WorldGoneCrazy

            Excellent response, Peter – thank you! I might add that the Church is not uniform on orthopraxy when it comes to the Sanctity of Marriage. Serious Christians and Catholics do not divorce at the rate of the general population who self-report as Christians, which rate is largely identical with the population as a whole, as you implied, and in some cases, worse. One study on just regular churchgoers (not exactly a high bar) showed a statistically significant decrease in divorce: https://winteryknight.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/do-atheists-have-a-lower-divorce-rate-than-christians-2/

            Also, it is my understanding that married couples that pray and read the Bible together on a daily basis have an astronomically low divorce rate. I shall have to dig up that source – I have heard the number 1%, but will look for a good study. Regardless, I am sure we would both agree that no-fault divorce, being highly un-Biblical and morally deficient, is the root cause of the high divorce rate in general, just as Roe and Doe led to astronomically high levels of abortion. The law is a powerful teacher indeed.

            Here is an interesting analysis of various types of marriages, including SSM: https://winteryknight.wordpress.com/2014/12/28/which-types-of-relationships-have-the-highest-rates-of-divorce/

            As for the law, some laws are moral and some are immoral. There is no way to determine which is which without a Moral Law Giver. Under a-theism, anything goes, so any laws made from that perspective will generally be immoral or at the very least lacking an objective foundation.

          • Peter Leh

            so i wonder if it also goes to show that if partners are both “pulling in the same direction” it increases the cahnce of staying together? Whether that is attending church regularly, studying the bible regularly, working a business or whatever?

            “Regardless, I am sure we would both agree that no-fault divorce, being
            highly un-Biblical and morally deficient, is the root cause of the high
            divorce rate in general,”

            i have to be honest, and this is just my opinion, but i believe we are better off with the system and laws with have today verses in the past. While my grandparents never divorced she would have divorced him if she lived in this era so the opportunity for women today are far superior than in the past. While we regret divorce happened with our siblings i am so grateful they were able to get out of the abuse. My grandmother did not have that opportunity to leverage my grandfathers behavior.

          • WorldGoneCrazy

            Yes, you make some more good points here again, Peter. I think that when both husband and wife are studying the Bible together and praying on a daily basis, it shows that their primary interest is to know and love and serve God, not themselves, and that would seem to be closer to an authentic form of Christianity. You are correct to label that “pulling together,” – I like how you put that – and I would just add that it is “pulling together” for a much higher Cause, if you will. It takes the focus off of narcissism, which seems to be the downfall of most, but not all, marriages, particularly in the no-fault era. I think that is a significant advantage over merely “pulling together” for lower level causes, although that philosophy is certainly laudable.

            if I may respectfully say so, I really do want you to consider reflecting on the deep and abiding damage that divorce does to husband and wife, children (catastrophic), and society as a whole. You might consider what the Bible has to say on this subject, but just as a starter, I wish to give you some secular research which validates the Biblical view: https://winteryknight.wordpress.com/2015/02/07/new-study-50-percent-of-divorced-people-wish-they-had-never-ended-their-marriage-2/

            I also think that this is an area where brilliant Catholic theologians have done better work than non-Catholic ones. The official position in the Catholic Church is that divorce is a very grave offense against God, and this is most Biblical, as Jesus confirmed. God bless you, Peter – good stuff!

          • Basset_Hound

            Since 2003, I’ve picked up pocket change every spring by grading narratives written by secondary students in Texas as a part of the standardized testing program. Every year the most gut wrenching ones I get are those that describe their parents’ divorce.

          • WorldGoneCrazy

            Wow – thank you, Basset_Hound! I am not surprised, but it still breaks my heart to hear it. God bless you!

          • Peter Leh

            goof stuff indeed. 🙂

        • Heather Bailey

          Really??? Reprehensible is it to raise a child in a single parent home? So we should teach our children to remain in loveless unhappy marriages or abusive marriages? What about when one spouse dies leaving a single parent behind?

          • Peter Leh

            the comment was “tongue in cheek”, heather. sorry for the confusion 🙂

          • Heather Bailey

            Thanks for letting me know. It’s hard to tell sometimes because of the bizarre things some people actually do believe and say.

    • Angel Jabbins

      Even a loving step dad would have been better than no dad at all. No way around it, gay marriage always deprives children of either a mother or a father….always. (Unless there is a divorced dad in the picture who takes his responsibility seriously).

  • Paul Hiett

    So, her dad bails and she blames her mom for raising her and giving her a loving home?

    What kind of inconsiderate and judging brat is she?

    • Better AndBetter

      Look who she works for… Her goals are theirs.

    • Marvels of life

      I saw nothing in the story but love for everyone involved. I think she is just trying to tell people that her situation was difficult and that is understandable

      • thoughtsfromflorida

        “I think she is just trying to tell people that her situation was difficult and that is understandable”

        No. She is saying her situation was difficult and that should be a reason why two citizens of the same gender should not be allowed to enter into civil marriage. Despite the fact that those two things are unrelated. Her argument is specious and demeaning to other children who are raised in a loving household with two parents of the same gender and are very happy in that situation.

        • Marvels of life

          I think we have differing views on the article which is fine.

          • thoughtsfromflorida

            How so? The article is clear. ” is speaking out against same-sex “marriage” and the affect that it can have on children such as herself.”

            Her purpose in sharing her story is to make a statement against same-gender marriage. How would it be possible to have another view, when it clearly states that is her goal?

            Her argument is misleading and specious. Same-gender marriage laws are distinct and separate from laws which allow gay people to raise children. Her mother and partner were not married, therefore to suggest that same-sex marriage can have an affect “on children such as herself” is not based upon personal experience. She was not raised in a household with married parents. She was raised at a time when same-gender marriage was not legal. Making same-gender marriage legal will not result in gay people being able to raise children to any extent that they aren’t now.

            I find it nauseating that she is attempting to use children as pawns in this debate.

          • Marvels of life

            As I stated before, we disagree on our interpretation of the article. You certainly have the right to your own opinion however. Thanks for your response.

          • Peter Leh

            “And while Barwick said that she was a proponent for same-sex “marriage”
            into her adulthood, she has since changed her mind upon reflecting on
            her own upbringing.”

            her misplaced emotions are now causing her to oppose equal protection for homosexuals. hence accurate grief will be put back on her for this unfortunate correlation.

            she makes good points. many in the homosexual community understand the deficit of SS partners in emotion bonding of children. But SSM is not the root of her grief

          • Marvels of life

            I’ve never said that it was. I simply state that she felt love for everyone involved including her stepmother. I don’t think that she opposes equal rights, actually I think the title is misleading. It seems to me she just believes that it would have been better for her to have a father as well as her mom. She also has children now, so that may possibly be another reason she believes its preferable to have a father and mother, as opposed to two mothers. At least that is my take from reading the article.

          • Peter Leh

            hope you are right. I think she is being misrepresented at least a little from both sides of a political ( not religious) tsunami of an issue.

          • Marvels of life

            Thank you. I really do to. I appreciate your comment. Have a great evening.

    • The Last Trump

      Yikes! Somebody’s hate and intolerance for heterosexual Christians is showing. Again.
      Let’s get her into a re-education camp immediately where we can stamp out this Jesus nonsense (that brings her such peace) and FORCE her into a samesex relationship, eh Paul? You trolls are too much! Thanks for reminding us daily of why we made decisions for Christ.

      • MisterPine

        What would you rather have seen happen, Last Trump?

      • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

        .
        Hetero Christians are, thankfully, the greater voice against hateful bigots … who hide behind calling themselves hetero Christians.
        .

      • Peter Leh

        sounds like you read paul’s mind accurately by what was written.

        integrity… it is still a christian virtue. 🙂

      • Heather Bailey

        You sure are reading a lot into his comment that wasn’t there. He never in any qay bashed Christians or heterosexuals. He nay well be a Christian and heterosexual. And how do you get to the whole “FORCE her into a samesex relationship” rant. ALL he said is that she shouldn’t blame het mother who by her own admission gave her a loving, happy home for the fact that het father abandoned her.

    • [email protected]

      That is not at all what she was saying. And now you say she is a brat….. that’s exactly what she said would happen.

      • Katrina Vargovic

        Sadly most of this will be negative as the gay community will respond with criticism, so who is being hateful???

        • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

          .
          “Gay community”?
          __________

          How about people with a brain, and some life experience, who wonder how many more kids are gonna think, if I just find a group to help me complain, I can change the past!”
          .

        • Heather Bailey

          So the “gay community” (whatever that means) is supposed to just sit back and ignore criticism?

      • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

        .
        She probably heard it before, the last time she forgot to say “thank you” and go off and take responsibility for her own life now that she’s an adult.
        .

    • Peter Leh

      it seems typical for children to blame the parent who stays.

  • Gary

    Of course the homosexuals are going to put all the blame on the heterosexual Dad. The perverts are always the “good guys”.

    • Better AndBetter

      Bad parenting comes in all stripes… Even religious parents. This is such a waste of time and energy. It’ll change nothing.

      • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

        .
        No one is WORST than religious parents.

        They are the only ones who kick their children out of their home to live and die on the street, no education, no food, clothing, shelter.
        .

        • Danny Watts

          Why do you hate God and Jesus so much? What did they do to you that could possible have made you this bitter and hateful? Jesus was all about love are you serious?

          • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

            .
            No hate, only reporting, @disqus_3Q0wX6KOg2:disqus.

            Fundamentalist religious parents are the source of the greatest abuse of underage LGBTQAS+ kids, tossing them from their homes, to live and die in danger and loneliness and despair.

            I do not think that the Jesus of my historical learning would kick his children out into the street.

            Don’t toss your darts at me.

            I’m trying to clean up those lives tossed away by their hateful bigot parents.

            What’s your self assignment here?
            .

    • thoughtsfromflorida

      Did her mother force the father to no longer be a part of the child’s life? Who is to blame for the father not continuing to be a part of his daughter’s life?

    • Caleb Stubbs

      Not homosexuals – anybody with common sense.

  • Frank

    More people like this need to come forward.

    • UrbanRedneck2

      They are labeled as homophobic if they do.

      • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

        .
        Because they are.

        She hates her mother.

        But her mother taught her to be narcissistic, just like mommy dearest.

        The apples don’t fall far from the tree.
        .

        • Maggi Fitzgibbon Escamilla

          Who said she hated her mother? Where did she say that? According to the article , her mother is still part of her life.

          • SpeakTruth

            Blame is probably more accurate than hate. It is ironic how she faults the parent that raised and loved her, yet forgives the one that abandoned her.

        • SpeakTruth

          Funny how she didn’t “hate her mother” or have a problem with SSM until she “came to Christ”. Only then did she realize that it was her mother’s fault for all of her daddy issues, and her actual father should be forgiven, and she should speak out in opposition to SSM in order to deny other children the right to be raised by two loving parents.

          • Heather Bailey

            So her father is somehow to blame for her father’s behavior? How does that work? I’m so sick of conservatives letting men off the hook for their behavior.

          • SpeakTruth

            I just want to make sure you knew I was saying that her father is absolutely to blame. My point was that she grew up loving her mothers and supporting and even advocating for SSM well into her twenty’s. It would seem she was happy except for her dad bailing on her. Then she “came to Christ” and only then did she believe SSM is to blame for her dead beat dad. It sounds like she had a pretty decent childhood to me.
            And I am far far far from conservative!

          • Heather Bailey

            Yes…but thanks for clarifying. That was supposed to be directed to a different comment. Not sure how it got linked to yours.

      • Frank

        They still need to come forward. There will always be people who mislabel people. Used to be nobody would give the mislabelers no airtime. Just another cook mouthing off. Anyone with any intelligence wil understand the mislabelers to be cooks mouthing off.

    • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

      .
      Yes, we need more immature, thoughtless kids complaining about our parents until the government does something about it!
      .

  • Marvels of life

    She is a brave young woman. Telling her story is compelling. Divorce is a tramatic experience, one of the most tramatic. The way she phrases her mother ” sought to enter into a same-sex relationship.” Did that have a bearing on the divorce I wonder. At any rate her recognition of belonging to Christ showed her love for all involved. I find that to be a universal way of thinking for those that believe in Jesus. Because of her difficulties it would seem she has become a good mother and it happens often as a result of trama. People become better because of difficulties and can appreciate love that much more. Thank you Ms. Barwick for sharing your story. I hope it allows all of us to reflect on our lives.

    • thoughtsfromflorida

      “She is a brave young woman.”

      What is “brave” about saying that she had a difficult childhood?

      “Telling her story is compelling.”

      Compelling regarding what?

      It is false to suggest that her childhood has anything at all to do with allowing two citizens of the same gender to enter into civil marriage. There is no relation. To attempt to use the divorce of her parents, and the subsequent difficulty she experienced, as an emotional argument for disallowing same-gender marriage is specious.

      • Marvels of life

        I think telling her story is brave. Obviously she see’s that she will be criticized for her position, and yet she is speaking out. Whenever anyone speaks out like she has it is going to draw out opinions that are not favorable. That is what I am stating was brave of her.

        • thoughtsfromflorida

          I think you are being generous in your application of “brave” to her actions, but I’ll remember your criteria so that we can be sure to apply “brave” to any person who speaks out and may be subject to criticism. .

          I’ll ask again: Compelling regarding what?

          • Marvels of life

            It is compelling to me, because again as I mentioned earlier as a comment, what I saw from her was love for everyone involved. To contribute that to Christ is compelling.

          • thoughtsfromflorida

            Thanks for clarifying.

  • MC

    It’s nice to see someone in this situation being totally honest about the subject and in a loving manner.

    • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

      .
      HahahahaHa — I get it!
      .

    • SpeakTruth

      I agree. It IS very sad for a father to abdicate his parenting responsibilities post divorce. Unfortunately this is somewhat common, however. Too many fathers are willing to leave their children with unanswered questions and feelings of abandonment. And the mother is left to be both mother and father. Divorce doesn’t have to be this way. Thankfully this woman was raised by a loving mother and has learned to forgive her father.
      Gay marriage has nothing to do with it. This woman would have wished for a “daddy” regardless if her mother had stayed single or married a woman. How terribly ironic that it was only after she was well in to her twenties and “came to Christ” that she forgives her father, yet blames her mother.

      • Angel Jabbins

        ‘she forgave her father, yet blames her mother’…

        The article stated her mother remains in her life and she has forgiven her as well as her father.

        • SpeakTruth

          Yes, but she clearly is stating that her mother’s decision to marry a woman was the problem. She doesn’t address the fact that her father chose not to be a part of her life. She was raised in a two parent home and loved by both parents. She loved both of her mothers as well. She wanted a daddy and claims his absence caused her promiscuity. However, somehow it is the SSM that was the ultimate problem, lol?
          I wonder how many little girls shuffling through the foster care system would love to have the love and affection of two mothers. Yeah, divorce is hard on children. Families living in poverty is hard on children. Domestic abuse is hard on children. It is ideal for a child to be raised by their middle to upper-class, college educated, biological parents who are in love with each other and love their perfectly age-spaced children. Unfortunately, most children don’t have that option. This woman was lucky. Sure, she wanted a daddy, but her daddy took a pass on the parenting thing. Why in the world would she blame her mother?

          • Angel Jabbins

            And what if her mother had divorced the father to marry the female lover? Would you still feel the same? We actually do not know all the details of the divorce so it all just conjecture on our part, isn’t it? She says she was harmed by the absence of a father. Absence of a father..whatever the cause.. is always a sad thing for children as they do need the influence and input from both. Many gay couples are marrying and seeking to have children by artificial means…so this doesn’t just apply to children awaiting adoption. or children of divorce. Children are being conceived to be raised in a gay household…and in the case, are purposefully denying a child the right to have a mother or a father.

          • Heather Bailey

            I suspect that the feelings of children in this case may be different. Not being abandoned by parent they never had may make the fact that they didn’t have a mother or father less of an issue. And not being stigmatized by others with the whole gay marriage is a sin malarkey would help as well.

          • Angel Jabbins

            But you are assuming the roles of mothers and fathers are exactly identical….and if so, then two loving mothers or two dads can provide the same nurturing environment of a mother and a father in a traditional family. However research does not bear that out.

            Mothers may use more parenting techniques of gentleness and security, while fathers may favor independence and confidence-building. These approaches help children understand the world in different ways; they balance each other (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2004).

            Rough-and-tumble play with fathers can help children manage aggressive impulses and learn to control their emotions during physical activity (Goldman, Salus, Wolcott, & Kennedy, 2003)

            Children who have close relationships with their fathers have higher self-esteem and are less likely to be depressed (Dubowitz et al., 2001).

            Fathers’ involvement in their children’s lives before age 7 may protect against psychological maladjustment during the teen years (Flouri & Buchanan, 2002).

            Fathers tend to do more than mothers to promote their child’s independence and exploration of the outside world (Rosenberg & Wilcox, 2006).

            While both mothers and fathers tend to use the higher-pitched, slowed-down variation of speaking called “parentese,” fathers are more likely to speak in ways that challenge their child’s
            developing language abilities and teach them about social communication exchanges (Lamb,
            2010).

          • Heather Bailey

            I am aware of the studies. My comment was that the author was hurt because her father abandoned her. If the child never had a father the abandonment wouldn’t have been an issue so maybe it will be different.

            I am aware of all the studies. But socialization plays a part in all of this. It is “normal” to have a mother and a father. It is not “normal” to just have two mothers or two fathers. This tells children that something is missing in their lives. I’m not implying that the studies should be completely discounted. But they should not be used to stop homosexual couples from adopting or using methods like artificial insemination to have children. Children grow up all the time without a mother or a father because of death or abandonment and are productive, thriving members of society. Maybe single parents, like myself, and homosexual parents can try to learn to fill-in in some of the areas that are lacking due to the absence of the other parent.

          • Guest

            Parents of children also model for their children how to relate to members of the opposite gender in relationships and they don’t get that in the case of same-sex parents.

        • Moomoofish

          What a way to show her forgiveness.

        • wandakate

          Apparently some people speed read or have comprehension problems. Yes she forgave her dad and she has not shunned her mother.

      • Guest

        How do you know ‘daddy took a pass on parenting’? Many women totally shut the men out of their lives when the separate and divorce and take the children. Many more poison the minds of their children against their father so that they see him as evil and don’t want to have anything to do with him. Still others get the courts to issue a ‘no contact’ order so the fathers have no choice but to be absent until the child turns 18 and by that time, it’s difficult to start a relationship. Nice of you to blame the absent dad for being absent when you have NO idea why that happened. There are many reasons why dad isn’t around other than that they are not interested or don’t care.

        • SpeakTruth

          I know because IF the dad wanted to participate, he could have. IF the mom wouldn’t cooperate he could have taken her to court. The only reason a judge would have prevented visitation with the child would have been if the father was a danger to the child in some way. Judges don’t deny rights to a parent except in extreme circumstances. And at such a young age when her parents divorced, the child would not have been consulted. divorce is difficult for parents who want to maintain a close relationship with their children. Often, it can be expensive if parents must travel to see their children, often one parent must swallow much pride and hurt towards the other parent. But, the responsibility of maintaining a relationship with his child (if he had one to begin with) was, most definitely, the father’s.

          • Guest

            You know no such thing. As I said before, often women will get a ‘no contact’ order from the court so the ONLY way dad could ‘participate’ would be to break the law. Women lie. Women twist the truth. Women will do all sorts of dirty things to keep the man that they now hate away from their children and use their children as a tool to hurt him further ias well. The fact that you don’t seem to think this happens tells me just how ignorant and sheltered you are on the topic.

          • SpeakTruth

            And as I said before, judges do not grant no contact orders or other orders that are similar unless the judge feels the father is a danger to the child. Are there crazy mothers that lie? Of course. But, that is not common, and most of those cases are the result of jealousy and a need for revenge and even those feelings usually dissipate over time. Since it was the mother that wanted the divorce and loved someone else, it seems highly unlikely she would have motivation to lie to the court. Additionally, this article says she forgave her father. Her father would not need forgiveness if he had been diligently fighting for access to his child.
            I am, unfortunately, personally familiar with divorce and the subsequent hearings and orders relating to child support, custody/visitation. It sounds like you have been through it as well. If so, I am terribly sorry.

          • Angel Jabbins

            I have three nephews who got the short end of the stick when their divorce cases went to court. All three ex-wives broke their marriage vows cheating on their husbands with other men. One couple had no children. But that nephew, who ran a very profitable business, had to give her half of his proceeds even though she was living with another man and he was benefiting. It soured my nephew on marriage for good.

            Both of the other two nephews had young children. They allowed visitation, but the ex-wives created so much chaos and embittered the children against them to the point of making any meaningful on-going relationship extremely difficult. One of those nephews was so distraught over the whole ordeal, he had a nervous breakdown and lost his job. He has never been the same since. It basically ruined his life. He had to move away from his ex-wife and kids just to keep his sanity.

            The fact is we don’t know specifically all the detail of this girl’s family and the divorce. It can look like one thing on a piece of paper and be completely something else in real nitty-gritty every day life.

          • SpeakTruth

            Your nephews stories are very sad. Divorce is very difficult and some people are just plain mean. The first nephew story is just the unfortunate product of divorce. It doesn’t seem fair, but that is the law and we know that going in to marriage. The other nephews’ stories with visitation problems are very sad because it is the children who suffer through no fault of their own. I hope your nephew recovers and finds happiness again, and I hope both of your nephews with children decide to pursue relationships with them regardless.
            As far as this story regarding Heather Barwick, we do, indeed, know her father abandoned her as she stated that he did in her original letter. I provided a link.

            http://thefederalist.com/2015/03/17/dear-gay-community-your-kids-are-hurting/

          • Angel Jabbins

            Thank you for your kind words regarding my nephews.

            I read the article at the link you provided. All she says is that her dad was not a very nice man and and after her mother left him, he didn’t bother coming around anymore. But all we have is what her mother told her. I am sure that is what the wife of my nephew (who had the breakdown) told his two kids. He didn’t come around anymore but it was because his mental health had deteriorated so that he could no longer handle the stress and anguish. He had to move to another state and rarely had contact with those children. It was very sad. So, I have to withhold my judgment in this case because we only have her mother’s side of the story and there are always two sides and they can look very different.

          • SpeakTruth
          • Guest

            The woman also states that she suffered for not only not having a dad but being told she didn’t need one but you don’t want to believe her there. Make up your mind, will you?

          • SpeakTruth

            No, of course I don’t believe she suffered from being told she didn’t need a man. My husband and I both tell our daughter she doesn’t need a man. My parents (father and mother) told me I didn’t need a man. They told my brother he didn’t need a woman, and my husband and I tell our sons they don’t need a woman. It is very important to teach children to be independent. You certainly don’t want to teach your daughter she that she does need a man or your sons a woman! If her mother was referring to her not needing a father, that is an appropriate response when her father abandoned her. In other words, “you will be loved and cared for even if your dad made a bad decision”. Her mothers were trying to make her feel better, feel safe.

          • Guest

            Ah, but you’re twisting my words. She says she suffered because she did not have a dad and was told it did not matter. I never said she needed a man, but she definitely felt she suffered for the lack of a daddy. Funny how you’ll believe her when she says her dad was not a nice man, but disbelieve her when she says she suffered for not only not having a father but from being told having one was unnecessary and therefore she was wrong to want one.

          • Guest

            SMH…you obviously have lived a very sheltered life. There are plenty of legal ways that a women can keep the father of her children out of their lives and have. Judges have given preferential treatment to women for a very, very long time although that is beginning to change.

          • SpeakTruth

            Not a sheltered life at all, unfortunately. Divorce, visitation rights, and child support are things in which I am very familiar. And you are right, judges have given preferential treatment to women for many years, but that is changing.

    • DEZ

      I agree, as a society we need to uplift the role of father to be as important as a mother and encourage men to take an equal role in the rearing of children… For myself I find that a father is essential to the upbringing of a child as I found my father had a profound effect on my point of view. Fathers stand up and be part of your children’s lives. The “openminded” must not discredit this woman’s opinion as it is based on experience… good for her for voicing it.

      • ElRay

        1) The profound effect that your father had pretty much had nothing to do with anything requiring an XY-Genotype, male genetalia, or an attraction to females.

        2) Care to cite one peer-reviewed article that refutes reality and supports your “marriage of a loving man and a woman is essential for the wholeness of children” claim? The reality is that “marriage of a loving man and a woman” is neither necessary, nor sufficient for the ” wholeness of children” and there is a large body of evidence that supports that and refutes your claim.

  • robertzaccour

    Every child deserves a mom and a dad. That’s a big part of what makes a natural marriage natural.

    • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

      .
      Yeah, but the heterosexuals messed that up, what with 50%+ US children in single parent families.

      So let the gays have at it — they can’t do worse!
      .

      • Danny Watts

        Oh yeah cause having EVERY fricken kid in school having to explain why they have 2 daddies or mothers isn’t selfish AT ALL? The amount of bullying and ridicule they would get would be insane..

        • Caleb Stubbs

          And do you not think that the bullying and ridicule that some experience would be reduced if YOU didn’t place such a stigma on gay parents? Are you not contributing to the very thing you are speaking out against?

        • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

          .
          So, let me get this straight, so to speak, @disqus_3Q0wX6KOg2:disqus.

          You think kids should enter society ashamed of those who love and cherish and nurture and care for them.

          And kowtow to hateful bigoted bullies.

          Have I got it?

          Tell me again about what lovin’ you have learned from your Christ, what you have learned how to be aware and intentional about how you want to be in the world.
          .

        • thoughtsfromflorida

          “The amount of bullying and ridicule they would get would be insane..”

          And the reason they would be bullied and ridiculed would be?

          • Danny Watts

            Do I really have to spell it out? We have been born and conditioned to believe for the longest time that a man and a woman fall in love and have a kid. Not man and man or woman and woman. Kids say whatever the hell they feel like at young ages and don’t care who they hurt. So the amount of bullying that could happen would be awful.

          • thoughtsfromflorida

            “Kids say whatever the hell they feel like at young ages and don’t care who they hurt. ”

            No, Danny, not all kids are like that. Kids learn to say mean things. They are taught that. It is not innate for children to be hurtful. Just the opposite.

            Bullying is learned behavior. Further, the object of bullying is also learned. Someone, at some time, has told those children that a child having two parents of the same gender is something that is reasonable to be bullied for. SOMEONE has put the idea in their minds that they should not be respectful of those with different households.

            Who would that be, Danny?

          • http://www.survivingemotionalabuse.com/ Becca Weaver

            Bullying is a natural instinct. Learning to be kind and thoughtful is something that has to be taught and learned by example. You are a classic example of being a bully.

          • thoughtsfromflorida

            How very sad you believe that to be true, and how wrong you are. Various studies have shown that children are born with kindness and empathy. It is only through their observation of others that they learn to bully.

            “You are a classic example of being a bully.”

            How so?

      • robertzaccour

        Doesn’t change the fact that every child deserves a mom and dad. A dad is there for them their entire childhood, not just being their father.

  • TheBBP

    You can attack the biological father all that you want, it still does not refute her point. Any 2 loving parents does not make a natural family. 2 gay women cannot fulfill the roles a dad and a mom fulfill in a natural family. 2 gay men cannot provide what a mother and father would provide in a natural family.

    She had a hole in her heart for a father despite being raised by 2 lesbians that loved her. Her biological father not being around only compounds the problem, it doesn’t create a pass for 2 lesbians who together could not be a proper father figure.

    It is incredibly brave for her to come forward like this and take the hate and vitriol that she will receive over this from the “tolerant” left head-on.

    • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

      .
      Could, could, could — meaningless, especially Constitutionally.

      Make the same argument about a child raised by poor parents.

      50%+ children in the US are raised in single parent families.

      This ungrateful narcissist resents which parent?
      .

      • TheBBP

        LOL, you voted up on your own comment and you are calling someone else “narcissist”?

        • Danny Watts

          He sounds like one from all the hate I see spewing from his mouth and comments.

          • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

            .
            What are you buying new today, @disqus_3Q0wX6KOg2:disqus, that you need, that you haven’t ascended to yet?

            Equivalent consideration?

            Or are you here only to do exactly as you accuse others of doing?
            .

        • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

          .
          It’s a way to catch petty folk.

          As I seem to have to explain ein every Disqus thread, I use the voting markers to keep track of how far down a thread I have read when I return each day.

          Disqus ignores self-votes in it’s counts.

          You ignore nothing trivial, and everything important.

          Given a chance to address that point ONLY heterosexuals have accidental children, you comment on Disqus voting markers.

          Your helmet is on too tight, or backwards. @thebbp:disqus.
          .

    • SpeakTruth

      Her biological father not being around IS the problem. It shouldn’t have been up to one of her mothers to be her father figure. She already had one and he took a pass. Her mothers did not take a pass.
      It isn’t brave at all for her to “come forward” about blaming her mother for the actions of her dead beat dad.
      There are countless children in this country that are placed in one foster home after another that would be incredibly grateful to have the two mothers that this woman has. But, this woman would deny those children the right to be adopted and raised by two loving parents of the same gender. Shame on her.

  • James Whistler

    After thirty-one years she’s mooning over a deadbeat dad who abandoned her. And using it as an excuse for being promiscuous. Yeah, right.

    Why spin this as saying anything about same-sex marriage?

    • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

      .
      Promiscuity is a powerful learning environment — say “thank you”, little missy … your father would have taught you that!
      .

  • Phipps Mike

    ““It really wasn’t until I came to Christ that I felt that burden lifted off of me,” she said. “And I’m not bitter. I’m not angry. I forgive my dad.”
    and what is the difference between her situation and one where there is a SINGLE mother who chooses to not have a “baby daddy”?

    • Paul Hiett

      None, but it’s a chance for the anti-SSM crowd to crow about it.

      • Phipps Mike

        yep, I agree…maybe the mother could have had her daughter signed up in the big brother program.

        • Marvels of life

          Sir, if I may I have a question. Were you raised by a mother and father? If so how did that influence your outlook on life. Just curious.

          • Phipps Mike

            yes, I was. Thats the basis of my suggestion. The big brother program would allow Heather to go out and do some “guy things” with her big brother. Maybe it was that component she was missing out on.

          • Marvels of life

            Would it have been better for you to be raised in a similar setting to hers, not withstanding the divorce. My belief is that a mother and father bring unique characteristics to children. Would you agree with that?

          • Paul Hiett

            There are mothers and fathers out there that neglect their kids, abuse them…and go to church every sunday still.

            Point?

          • Marvels of life

            That would be very true. My point is really what I asked. Would it be better to have a mother and father than her particular situation with two of the same?

          • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

            .
            It would be better to relive your life and prevent all suffering.

            Is that her proposal, for everyone to relive their childhoods and make changes to eliminate suffering?

            What?

            In a world of individuals, in a country of equals, define ‘better’.
            .

          • Marvels of life

            I asked a question. I really didn’t define better as you point out. Lets make this a personal question to you. Would it be better if you had a child to bring him/her married to a male or female? Depending on your answer please explain why that would be so. By putting the question to you in that manner, I’m looking for what your perspective would be for your own child from the time of being born to being a young adult. Would you mind giving your perspective on that question? Thank you.

          • Phipps Mike

            somewhere, I dont know if you were addressing me or somebody else. However, I will answer your question: “Would it be better to have a mother and father than her particular situation with two of the same?”
            In THIS case (with Heather), probably. We cant draw straw man arguments though by saying “yes ” when we don’t know if the fact that her mom liked women too, may or may not have been a problem in the marriage for Heather to witness or be unwillingly a PART of their arguments.

          • Marvels of life

            I appreciate you answering my questions. Thank you sir. Have a great day.

          • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

            .
            She may have had two women after her male parent disappeared, but she did not have “two of the same” — we’re all individuals.
            .

          • Marvels of life

            CNS would not allow the description I was using, so I used that. Of course we are all unique individuals, that wasn’t my point at all.

          • http://www.survivingemotionalabuse.com/ Becca Weaver

            There is a difference between a religion and a relationship with Christ. Your are referring to a religion.

          • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

            .
            What did you benefit from that was uniquely present only because of the gender of your parents, @disqus_tCyN0oyIOn:disqus?
            .

          • Marvels of life

            I felt there is a balance when having a father and mother. My dad taught me how to take care of myself and taught me things like sports, took me to events like baseball, and my mother taught me compassion. She taught me how to get along with women, how to treat them, she let me cry on her shoulder. She taught me how to sing and at Christmas and Holidays she did the decorating, dad did the story telling etc. That is a small example of what a male and a female when giving a good home can do to benefit a child’s growth. I feel they both raised me to be kind and considerate of others. They taught me to love God as they did, and our extended family, (my father had 6 brothers and 1 sister) and my mother had a sister. They gave me untold amounts of love especially my Grandmother on both sides. I remember once my Grandmother who I loved so deeply, a wonderful Christian woman, once crushed in her hand a huge bumblebee when I was young as it stung her. That is a simple explanation of my Grandmother who passed at the age of 92. I believe she is here with me to this very day, because I feel her in my life. I hope that gives you an idea into why my perspective is what it is.

          • SpeakTruth

            With all due respect, women are perfectly capable of teaching all of the things you described, and men are capable of teaching you all of the things you described. Why would you think that men cannot teach their children compassion or how to sing at Christmas? Why would you think woman cannot teach their child sports or to take care of themselves? I understand the point you were trying to make, however I would argue that the roles you assign to mothers and fathers are not based on their gender. In most households today both parents work and both parents change diapers, cook, wash dishes, play catch, etc. For those families fortunate enough to have one parent stay home if they chose, many times it is the father. It is my opinion that it is much more important for a child to have two parents setting the examples of kindness, empathy, sympathy, teamwork, education, and love for each other and their fellow human beings rather than defining what it is to be a “man” or a “woman”.

          • Marvels of life

            I think many of the things you say may be true. However in my particular situation I describe what I believe is what is best for my children and grand-babys All of the things about Love you have mentioned are what life is all about, and is the teachings of Christ. The difference is that I don’t think a child develops and copes well under the circumstances this young woman had to experience. Why? She states it clearly, she longed for a father, not a stepmother. Now that she has children, it seems that her being married to a man has enriched her life and the life of her kids. It would be difficult for someone to say otherwise since it is her experience being explained. So although I agree with most of what you said, a definition of man, and a woman is different, with a whole set of circumstances that can be most beneficial to children of any age. In my case that is certainly true. Thank you for your perspective though, you make some good points.

          • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

            .
            ‘Male’ energy is so seldom exampled by men in a healthy way, I find.

            Male and female energy abound in aware people regardless of their gender.
            .

          • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

            .
            Well, for me, having hetero parents reinforced that societal definitions of male and female are BOGUS.

            More importantly, I the gender of my parents was totally unimportant in their example of loving each other.

            The only important thing was that they did love each other and showed it, exampled it.

            That’s genderless.
            .

          • Gary

            Male and female are not bogus. Thinking they are bogus is bogus.

          • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

            .
            That’s so bogus.
            .

          • Marvels of life

            Thanks for your answer.

  • Norma Ross

    I’m glad that I had both of my parents. I believe it is better for children to be raised in a home with a mom and a dad! Also the Bible says marriage is between a man and a woman. The Bible is my guide!

    • Paul Hiett

      The Bible also says that women should remain silent in church.

    • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

      .
      So if a strange old man rapes you, he can just pay your dad a gratuity, and you’ll marry him to fulfil the obligation?

      Then your children will have the perfect parents, right?

      “… The Bible tells me so …”
      .

      • Danny Watts

        You are such a douche it’s not even funny man. You could learn a thing or two from Christ’s teachings. It shows.

        • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

          .
          Norma Ross wrote that the Bible is her guide.

          I quoted some from the Bible.

          You, Danny Watts, then called me a douche (as if washing out a woman’s vägina is an insult to me, not to you).

          Then you suggested I could learn from Christ.

          Seriously?

          When was suggesting that someone was so low that they were only fit for washing out that icky woman’s place?

          I’ll learn from your Christ when you show me.

          Otherwise, my Jesus exampled equivalent consideration for all.

          And never seemed to think of women as pieces of filthy debris as you seem to have inherited.

          Jesus respected Mary Magdalen to make up her own mind, to interpret her spiritual experiences on her own, to preach and proselytize as she felt appropriate.

          If Heather Barwick is looking for inspiration, she may be able to find it right under her nose, within herself, with her mothers.

          Except people like you have brainwashed her to believe women are filthy, not worthy.

          And yet she is one, with all the answers she yearns for already waiting within.

          And yet, like a fish clamoring for a bicycle, she clamors for a man.

          You win.

          Another woman feels like a piece of crap.

          Sad, crying shame.
          .

          • Danny Watts

            I knew you’d nit pick at the stupidest thing I could say rather than focusing on what I was trying to teach you. I’ve seen the amount of comments you’ve placed on here and frankly I just wanted to hit you. I am not violent at all or anything but that’s how irritating you sounded to me. You literally just went from one comment to another just to trash people left and right on stuff you have no real understanding of clearly. And I am going to do just what Jesus would have wanted me to do. Pray for my enemies no matter how angry they can make you. And walk away. CONGRATS you caught me sin so to speak, good for you big man. Cause I am sure you don’t do the same at alll. Get over yourself and maybe focus on what message was being placed before you. Are you saved and do you know Jesus Christ?

          • MC

            That’s because he’s a troll, that’s what trolls get off on. It’s a mental illness. Save your pearls.

  • dprkforum

    So, if I tell my story about my abusive, bigoted father, could I make the argument that all “traditional” marriage is invalid?

    • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

      .
      Tell it, @dprkforum:disqus!

      Let’s get ACA Adult Children Anonymous around the world to all phone in to the Supreme Court and indict the sick and abusive hetero parent system.

      Go for it.
      .

  • Mr. Avatar

    Those given over to a reprobate mind have minds that are devoid of good judgment. They continually chose evil and deceive themselves into believing their evil is good. They were not given up to this reprobate mind all at once, but by degrees. First, they were given up to their own hearts’ lusts, #Ro 1:24; then, to vile affections, #Ro 1:26; and then, lastly, to a mind void of judgment; to such an evil habit, that they could do nothing but evil.

    • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

      .
      So, @Mr. Avatar:disqus, is that your personal experience of how it happened to you?
      .

  • Katrina Vargovic

    Skeptical are you illiterate or what are you not reading, God made women and men. Mothers and Farthers, not mothers and mothers, Farthers and Fathers. If you are the other way inclind keep it away from your children it is not normal and it is not the way designed us to be. I am not judging because who am l to judge but am only stating the fact. Apparently it does have consequences on their children, please listen. They are trying to tell you something.

    • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

      .
      It’s natural, duh, the product of … wait for it … HETEROSEXUALS!

      When those pesky heteros stop reproducing, there may finally be fewer gays.

      “… I’m not judging but …”
      .

    • Heather Bailey

      Ok…You’re not judging but you say it’s not normal. Contradictory statements.

    • markinator

      So by your logic, your god is in error, because it created gay people too. Your god is an abject failure, and imaginary. Yes, you indeed ARE judging gays, and your bigotry in not allowing two people in love to be married is showing. When someone says, “I’m not judging, but….”, we can be sure they’re judging, and it’s always followed by some putrid religious excuse.

  • FoJC_Forever

    Homosexuality is a heinous sin and warps the hearts, minds, and bodies of those who embrace it. I have yet to meet a homosexual who isn’t putting on an air of happiness, but has the brooding emptiness of someone who is yearning to be whole. All sin destroys, and homosexuality is among the worst of them. The smug, self-pleasing attitudes most exude is like standing close to an open septic tank. Only through the Son of God, Jesus Christ, can people find wholeness and fulfillment.

    For those who are quick to judge her father, you have no idea what happened. She didn’t state specifically why her father wasn’t in her life. The “dead beat dad” has become a monicker to label a man who has been denied his rights and authority to be a father. Divorces are messy, and when homosexuality is involved, they’re even more putrid.

    • Danny Watts

      Preach it my friend!

    • http://www.peterblaise.com/ peterblaise

      .
      Is that your experience of your own homosexuality, @FoJC_Forever:disqus?
      .

      • FoJC_Forever

        I’m not a homosexual, nor have I ever been, nor will I ever be.

        • markinator

          Those strong emotions that exude from fervent anti-homosexual activists have all shown that they hide and harbor deep-seated homosexual tendencies. Now let’s talk about your own “smug, self-pleasing attitude” that devout Christians always portray. This entire article, as well as “christiannews” is a ruse to advance the false and dangerous tenets of religious delusion.

    • Heather Bailey

      First of all I know many, many homosexuals who are in beautiful, fulfilling, loving realrelationships. Your denial that you’ve met any that are is utterly ridiculous.

      Secondly, you’re quick to judge the mother based solely on your homophobic bias. The article states that she had a loving mother and a happy home and loved her mother’s partner. The reason we assume that her father abandoned her by choice is that the article does not state otherwise. If there had been extenuating circumstances she would have mentioned that in the article. In addition, she says she has forgiven him. Had there been extenuating circumstances that prevented him from being a father to her there would be no reason to forgive him if ot wasn’t hus fault.

      • FoJC_Forever

        Your logic is flawed. You assume the absence of information in an article means it doesn’t exist. Regardless, pseudo-support of true marriage isn’t needed, regardless of the niceness of the person giving said support.

        What is fulfilling in this life doesn’t translate into Eternal Life. You are just another blind supporter of those who embrace Sin. Sin doesn’t always make people unhappy, otherwise it wouldn’t be appealing. Happiness isn’t the goal of the Holy Spirit when changing people into the image of Jesus Christ.

        • Heather Bailey

          I concede that I assumed some information. However it was a logical assumption. Given the detail she went into through out the article one can logically assume that she wouldn’t have left out any details regarding her father’s absence. And the fact that she forgave him
          indicates that there was a reason to forgive him hence the assumption that it was his choice to leave. I find it interesting that you defend the heterosexual who obviously had at least some culpability for his
          absence in her life but no give no credit to her mother who the author implicitly states was a loving mother and provided a good home and that her and her mother’s partner loved each other.

          You are the one who said “I have yet to meet a homosexual who isn’t putting on an air of
          happiness, but has the brooding emptiness of someone who is yearning to be whole” Now you’re back tracking and saying “Sin doesn’t always make
          people unhappy, otherwise it wouldn’t be appealing.” Yes I embrace homosexuals. I do not believe love is a sin. I’m not going to get into a discussion with you about that because we will never agree. It’s ultimately up to God to decide not you or I so I’ll let her make that
          decision. I don’t believe a loving person true of heart will be damned to hell of all eternity just because they loved someone of the same gender.

          • FoJC_Forever

            I haven’t back tracked about anything.

            Homosexuality isn’t about godly love. It is about carnal love = lust.

          • Heather Bailey

            Where you back tracked was your first comment said “I have never met a homosexual who isn’t putting on an air of
            happiness, but has the brooding emptiness of someone who is yearning to be whole” then when you replied to my response you said “Sin doesn’t always make
            people unhappy, otherwise it wouldn’t be appealing.”

            So how is ot that you know iit’s just lust not love? since you’re not gay you don’t know. That was the point peterblaise was trying to make. I’ve known a lot of homosexual couples who were very obviously head of heals completely in love.

          • FoJC_Forever

            You are wrong. You are slick, and a good twister of words and phrases, but you are still wrong.

            God defines Love, and God has defined homosexuality as sin, thus against His Will.

          • Heather Bailey

            I haven’t twisted anything. You said you’d never known a homosexual that was happy then you acknowledged that they could be happy. Your words not mine.

            So God said homosexuality is wrong according to the Bible if you believe the Bible. But I am not aware of where he made it impossible for homosexuals to fall in love with each other. So maybe it’s not a kind of love you believe in and maybe you think it’s a sin but it doesn’t mean it isn’t love. People are born gay so how do you explain that it’s a sin that God condemns but people are born homosexual?

          • FoJC_Forever

            People aren’t “born gay”, they are conditioned and tempted into accepting sin.

          • markinator

            Now we know why you apparently know so much about it!

          • FoJC_Forever

            You’re using faulty logic to incorrectly connect ideas and phrases.

            God defines and is the personification of love. God has defined homosexuality, thus homosexual ‘marriage’, as being “lust”, “unclean”, “vile” and “unseemly” (sinful). Romans 1:24-27. This being Truth, homosexual ‘marriage’ can’t be about love.

          • Heather Bailey

            Then explain how my logic is faulty. Those appear to be two contradictory statements about the same thing. You’ve either never met and dismiss the possibility that homosexuals can be happy or you acknowledge that it is possible.

            I am aware of the scripture used to support this line of thinking. The problem is that the men who created the Bible (the actual book itself) chose what was included and excluded based on their own agenda. The Bible is also full of contradictions so it’s use to dictate law and forbidding homosexuals from marrying doesn’t work.

  • Josh Hausmann

    Ok, this is a little different situation. Had her mother remarried to another man, would she not still be longing for the dad that was part of her life?

  • Caleb Stubbs

    Why don’t she pin the blame for not having a father on her long absent father who did nothing to help raise her instead of the mothers who did?

    • Gary

      She only had one mother. Sadly, her mother was a pervert.

      • Paul Hiett

        Her dad bailed on her, and you blame the mom. Typical.

      • Caleb Stubbs

        You’re evading the question with your hate.

      • Heather Bailey

        She only has one father and he said was a selfish dead. How about you blame the person who abandoned her, which would ve her father, instead of the woman who by her own admission was a loving parent.

  • thoughtsfromflorida

    While I’m sorry that Ms. Barwick had challenges growing up, they were not related to the issue of same-gender marriage. Rather, they were a function of divorce and her father choosing not to be a part of her life following the divorce.

    The laws allowing gay people to raise children are distinct and separate from laws regarding same-gender marriage. Allowing same-gender marriage will not change the laws regarding gay people raising children. Further, the loss Mr. Barwick faced is one that is faced by many children due to divorce being legal.

    Ms. Barwick’s situation does not provide an argument against same-gender marriage. As another woman, Ms. Faust, points out, “My parents’ divorce has been the most traumatic event in my thirty-eight years of life,”. The event was divorce – not same-gender marriage.

    To attempt to tie the two together is disingenuous.

  • Peter Leh

    yep . divorce sucks. that is why the argument against SSM is moot until the divorce solution is found.

  • Faithwalker

    Children are the least thought of when parents and society live according to their own desires. Whether its divorce, drugs, ssm, policies that separate and destroy families. All sin has its consequences on families and society as a whole. Personally speaking, I can speak on the consequences that my children had to endure, because of my poor parental decisions made when I was raising mine. But when I gave my life over to Christ, and through His love, mercy and grace He restored and healed my family. Mrs. Barwick is sharing her story of the pain she endured because of the decisions that her parents chose that caused her such anguish during her childhood. Her story speaks to the healing, and restoration that only Christ can give through the trials and tribulations of this sinful world we live in. I thank her for sharing her story, and allowing Christ to soften her heart to forgive both parents for their decisions that caused her so much pain.

  • Maggi Fitzgibbon Escamilla

    So much hate and anger. Wow. The young lady is allowed to feel the way she feels. You don’t have to agree with her or even each other. Keep it civil

    • Paul Hiett

      What she is doing is like blaming American Airlines for 9/11.

      • thoughtsfromflorida

        You mean American Airlines WASN’T responsible for 9/11?????

  • Jeff Crippen

    Becca is correct, guys. You have some serious study to do on abuse. Go to my website at cryingoutforjustice.com and dig into the respurces materials. Don’t make pronouncements forbidding divorece for abuse. You will do great harm to victims and enable the wicked.

  • Peter Leh

    For Heather Barwick, hope you find peace:

    Iris (Hold Me Close)

    The star

    That gives us light

    Has been gone a while

    But it’s not an illusion

    The ache

    In my heart

    Is so much a part of who I am

    Something in your eyes

    Took a thousand years to get here

    Something in your eyes

    Took a thousand years, a thousand years

    Hold me close, hold me close and don’t let me go

    Hold me close like I’m someone that you might know

    Hold me close the darkness just lets us see

    Who we are

    I’ve got your life inside of me

    Iris… Iris…

    Once we are born, we begin to forget

    The very reason we came

    But you

    I’m sure I’ve met

    Long before the night the stars went out

    We’re meeting up again

    Hold me close, hold me close and don’t let me go

    Hold me close like I’m someone that you might know

    Hold me close the darkness just lets us see

    Who we are

    I’ve got your life inside of me

    Iris… Iris…

    The stars are bright but do they know

    The universe is beautiful but cold

    You took me by the hand

    I thought that I was leading you

    But it was you made me your man

    Machine

    I dream

    Where you are

    Iris standing in the hall

    She tells me I can do it all

    Iris wakes to my nightmares

    Don’t fear the world it isn’t there

    Iris playing on the strand

    She buries the boy beneath the sand

    Iris says that I will be the death of her

    It was not me

    Iris… Iris…

    Free yourself, to be yourself if only you could see yourself

    Free yourself, to be yourself if only you could see…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDIPN2Zmm_w

  • OldArkie

    Good for her for standing up for Christ the Savior, may God bless her. Seems few will do this today, for to many just give lip service to Christ, thinking that will get them to Heaven.

  • michael castner

    I don’t see why cristians won’t mind their own business.It’s not your business if people don’t follow your bible.

  • Paulina Andrea

    What do you even mean gay “marriage”? It’s gay marriage. And it’s just marriage. Her dad left her, he should have just stayed in her life. Plus, this is just one story, and even if some other kids agree… It doesn’t reflect on gay marriage, it’s no reason to advocate against gay marriage. They, gay, still gave her a home and love that many kids don’t even get! If you told a foster child they could have two loving moms or dads, they wouldn’t creaking complain. If the most traumatizing thing in 38 years was the divorce of her parents when she was a toddler, then she has seriously been sheltered from real life problems.

  • liz

    Um, single parents who may never date/remarry would create the same atmosphere. I was a child of a “normal” family and still found myself longing for a father figure, so…..maybe this is not justification, but more of an opinion on the issue.

  • Heather Bailey

    First of all it’s marriage not “marriage”. I don’t see how this is her mother’s fault. Her father made a choice to not be a part ot her life. This isn’t a homosexual issue or a marriage equality issue. I am a heterosexual who divorced my husband because of his alcoholism. He essentially abandoned our son. That was jis choice just as it was Heather’s father’s choice to abandon her.

  • Moomoofish

    None of this has anything to do with gay marriage. It stems from religious indoctrination. Her feelings of pain because her father left would have been the same and greater if her mother had remained alone, and she hadn’t had the support of another loving adult in her life. Her problem problem comes from a patriarchal centered religion telling teaching her to embrace intolerance. That, and a lack of perspective and maturity.

  • Guest